The Philippines.

The only place on earth where…

1. Every street has a basketball court.

2. Even lawyers and engineers are unemployed.

3. Physicians study to become nurses for employment abroad.

4. Students pay more money than they will earn after.

5. School is considered the second home and the mall considered the third.

6. Call-center employees earn more money than teachers and nurses.

7. Everyone has his personal ghost story and superstition.

8. Mountains like Makiling and Banahaw, are considered holy places.

9.  Everything can be forged.

10. All animals are edible. (UGH!)

11.  Starbucks is still more expensive than gas.

12. Driving 4 kms can take as much as four hours.

13. Flyovers bring you from the freeway to the side streets.

14. Crossing the street involves running for your dear life.

15. The PC at home is mainly used for games and Friendster or Myspace.

16. Where colonial mentality is dishonestly denied!

17. Where 4 a.m. is not even considered bedtime yet.

18. People can pay to defy the law.

19. Everything and everyone is spoofed.

20. Where even the poverty-stricken get to wear branded clothes and come home to an empty fridge.

21. The honking of car horns is a way of life.

22. Being called a bum is never ever offensive. In fact, said with pride.

23. Floodwaters take up more than 90 percent of the streets during the rainy season.

24. Where everyone has a relative abroad who keeps them alive.

25. Where wearing your national colors make you baduy.

26. Where even the poorest of the poor have the latest cell phones. stolen or snatched or pick pocketed from those who can afford.

27. Where insurance does not work.

28. Where water can only be classified as tap and dirty.

29. Where bottled water is sosyal.

30. Where the government makes the people pray for miracles. Harharhar!

31. Where University of the Philippines where all the weird people go.

32. Ateneo University is where all the nerds go.

33. La Salle University is where all the Chinese go.

34. University of Asia and the Pacific is where all the irrelevantly rich people go and Cebu Doctors’ University aka Cebu Dollars University, where the wannabe-rich go.

36. Fast food is a diet meal.

37. Traffic signs are merely suggestions, not regulations.

38. Where being mugged is normal and happens to everyone.

39. Rodents are normal house pets.

40. The definition of traffic is the ‘non-movement’ of vehicles.

Harharhar. Very true!!!

41. Where the fighter planes of the 1940s are used for military engagements.

42. The new fighter planes are displayed in museums. Lol!!!

43. Where cigarettes and alcohol are a necessity, and where the lottery is a commodity.

44. Where soap operas tell the realities of life and where the news provides the drama.

45. Where actors make the rules and where politicians provide the entertainment.

46. People can get away with stealing trillions of pesos but not a thousand.

47. Where being an hour late is still considered punctual. Harharhar!!! Grabe!!!

48. Where the squatters complain (even if they do not pay their tax) than those                                    employed and have their tax automatically deducted from their salaries.

49. And where everyone wants to go to another country even to war-stricken ones.

FILIPINO SIGNS OF WIT:

1. The sign in a flower shop in Diliman called Petal Attraction.

2. Anita Bakery

3. A 24-hour restaurant called Doris Day & Night

4. Barber shop called Felix the Cut;

5. A coffee shop named Brews Almighty

6. Fast-food place selling ‘maruya’ (banana fritters) called Maruya Carey.

7. Then, there are Christopher Plumbing

8. A boutique called The Way We Wear

9. A video rental shop called Leon King Video Rental

10. A restaurant in Cainta district of Rizal called Caintacky Fried Chicken

11.. A local burger restaurant called Mang Donald’s

12. A doughnut shop called MacDonuts

13. A shop selling ‘lumpia’ (egg roll) in Makati called Wrap and Roll

14. And two butcher shops called Meating Place and Meatropolis.

Smart travelers can decipher what may look like baffling signs to unaccustomed foreigners by simply sounding out the ‘Taglish’ – the Philippine version of English words spelled and pronounced with a heavy Filipino such as:

15. At a restaurant menu in Cebu. The sign read and spelled, “We hab sopdrink in can an in batol?”

16. Then, a sewing accessories shop spelled Bids and Pises. You mean Beads and Pieces? Lol!!!

There are also many signs with either badly chosen or misspelled words but they are usually so entertaining that it would be a mistake to ‘correct’ them like…….

17. In a restaurant in Baguio City – Wanted: Boy Waitress Lol!!!!

18. On a highway in Pampanga – We Make Modern Antique Furniture

19. On the window of a photography shop in Cabanatuan – We Shoot You While You Wait

20. And on the glass front of a cafe in Panay Avenue in Manila – Wanted: Waiter,                                  Cashier, Washier

Some of the notices can even give a wrong impression such as:

21. A shoe store in Pangasinan – We Sell Imported Robber Shoes

22. A rental property sign in Jaro reads – House for Rent, Fully Furnaced

23. Occasionally, one could come across signs that are truly unique – if not altogether odd.

City in southern Philippines – Adults: 1 peso; Child: 50 centavos; Cadavers: fare subject to negotiation

24. European tourists may also be intrigued to discover two competing shops selling hopia (a Chinese pastry) called Holland Hopia and Poland Hopia – which are owned and operated by       two local Chinese entrepreneurs, Mr. Ho and Mr. Po respectively believe it or not.

25. Some folks also ‘creatively’ redesign English to be more efficient. The creative confusion between language and culture leads to more than just simple unintentional errors in syntax, but in the adoption of new words? Says reader Robert Goodfellow who came across a sign….. House Fersallarend (house for sale or rent). Why use five words when two will do?

26. According to a Manila businessman, there is so much wit in the Philippines because? We             are a country where a good sense of humor is needed to survive? We have a 24-hour comedy       show here called the government and a huge reserve of comedians made up mostly of                   politicians and bad actors.

27. A restaurant in Quezon City with the name – “Cooking Ng Ina Nyo!”

28. Because business was good, another restaurant on the next block opened with the name             “Cooking Ng Ina Nyo Rin!”

29. A certain Susan opened a flower shop south of metro manila… and the name of the shop is         “Susan’s Roses”

30. A bakery named Bread Pitt

Guy: Babe, you know what? You’re like China Town…

Girl: Huh! Why?

Guy: Kasi I always see you everywhere I go

Honesty is always the best policy. Let’s not tolerate these kinds of incidents even how petty it is. These things are like cysts, if left untreated, could lead to cancer.

And now the incident (source: http://chuvaness.com)

Somebody has got some explaining to do

I hate to be the whistle blower against people who need jobs, but being a business owner who has experienced one too many inside jobs, I feel like I have to warn other business owners about thievery within their stores.

Last June 17, I went to Breadtalk in Megamall to buy baon for my son. I was second in line at the cash register. While the cashier was ringing up the person in front of me, she took a look at my tray and said, “One hundred forty six pesos.”

So I thought, wow! Mathemagician! How did she ring that up in her head. I was impressed.
I gave her the sackamount (exact amount) and she put my bread in little plastic bags and handed it to me.
I was surprised, or rather suspicious that she didn’t ring up my purchases in the cash register, so the good citizen that I am, I asked for a receipt.

That’s when she punched the items. Lo, and behold, the total was only Php 138, so she in fact had to give me back eight pesos I overpaid. And then she apologized. I gave her a really dirty look and made a mental note to blog it because corrupt cashiers are so annoying!!

You sure made my day! Someone please email this blog entry to Breadtalk.

So I vowed to blog small incidents of corruption from now on.
Sometime in May we received reports there were problems in our own store, so Jeroen and I were a little bit stressed.

I sat down in Dulcinea, Rockwell to indulge in churros con chocolate. A few minutes later Jeroen plopped down on the banquette and ordered Diet Coke.

When it was time to go, Jeroen asked for the bill. The waiter said, “It’s 200.”
So I thought, wow, since when did we get a bill rounded off to 200 pesos. F*cking amazing.
Jeroen paid up. When the receipt came, only the churros con chocolate were punched in. The Diet Coke was not and the waiter gave a few coins as change. He also mentioned the Diet Coke was not in the receipt. I wondered why.

I smelled corruption, but Jeroen was not in the mood to dispute it as we were having problems of our own. (Unfortunately I did not keep the receipt of that incident. Next time I will.)

A couple of days later, we consulted a successful Chinese restaurant owner who told us there’s this racket he experienced where he caught staff selling their own canned drinks at the restaurant (with no receipts), so the business owners lose on the drink orders.

No wonder one of Makati’s most happening bars lost business. Their waiters were selling their own bottles/drinks. When those ran out, only then would they sell the bar owners’ drinks at 1 AM.

To all our visitors, please contact us if you have any “Bad Kalokohan” experience, so that we can feature it here and make people aware of those scams, rip-offs, etc.

Here are some example of those words:

a. underarm odor – anghit, putok

b. asthma – hika

c. athlete’s foot – alipunga

d. pimple – tighawat, tigidig

e. eczema – buni

g. lymph node – kulani

h. booger – kulangot

i. wart – kulugo

j. boil – pigsa

k. sty – kuliti

l. mole – nunal

m. puss – nana

n. dandruffs – balakubak… (mga kwento’t balitang bakla…)

o. fly away – tuchang

p. scar – peklat

q. giant scar – bakokang

r. nipple hair – weneklek

s. nose hair – tutchang

t. stinky – mabantot

u. kissmark, hickey – chikinini